I was at my favorite dining spots in Texas, with my dear friend. My phone vibrates it was my sidekick ; my first cousin Jamaro. I answered "Hello?" .. I can't hear you, let me step outside. "Ok", he softly replied. I knew something was wrong. I walked outside away from the loud noise in the background. " Everything ok cousin?", he replied " I'm just giving up, I wanna keep driving , end it all right now. ", I replied " Wait, where are you? , are you driving ?" - "Yeah" he said calmly.
Jamaro was in Los Angeles, California , I stayed on the phone doing my best comforting him, that was the summer of 2017. We spoke a few weeks after that, usually we spoke every other day. Our conversation ended in a disagreement , which was rare, we never argued. that would be the last time we would ever speak
October 2017 , I loss one of the most closest person in my life. Not from harming himself, but due to medical reasons - I had no details about previously.. My grandfather found him in the guest room . Jamaro, had decided to move back to Chicago ; after years of residing in Los Angeles. We would talk hours about him moving; and he finally agreed. I knew he had deep wounds, scars, and a heart full of brokenness. We both depended on each other, for guidance and encouragement . He was my shoulder to cry on, and I was his. His death brought months of deep thought, reflection and sadness. My entire family and his close friends grieved our huge loss. I learned many things that focuses on mourning. I hope this can help someone who mourns or is in deep depression :
1.) Prayer is powerful . The comfort of God can heal you from any pain you might feel
2. It takes time to mourn. Mourning, is a process. Everyone mourns differently, some people mourn for years. I advise to remember the good times, so you can get back to reality of life and your future.
Jamaro passed away expecting to wake back up the next morning. However he suffered his entire life from depression. A topic the black community fails to acknowledge , black men and mental illness. He moved to California from Detroit to follow his dreams . He fought a good fight. We all are fighting something In life. It could be addictions, finances, fear . Not one of us are perfect. When someone passes away, it could be a shock and unexpected death. I have come to the conclusion. Live your best life now ,work on your inner struggles, be kind to others. Be spiritually grounded, this will help us live a peaceful life.
I miss him .I wish our last conversation wasn't a disagreement. Who would of thought?.
My current reality? I've given up on love; right now anyway. In the past, I battled in secrecy and unearthed a deep wound of betrayal alongside a pattern of failed relationships. I escaped the world. I dealt deeply with healing and truth for years; coming into my own truths and understandings of my past. I've wasted years giving my time and energy into men. In all honesty it required all of my imagined "what ifs" and false hope. I blame myself.
After my divorce in 2007, being alone was very new! Considering it was going on a full six years . I had to really come to terms, that now it would be myself and two small children. I had chosen to leave a toxic marriage full of infidelity and abuse. I was seeking attention and very vulnerable, but finally I met someone who opened his arms during a time that was certainly different for me. I was in a relationship that I never honestly could see myself going further than the three years we spent together. Never was I in love with him. He was horrible with money and indeed a true alcoholic! However; he was extremely fun and financially assisted me with all my needs. During this time I needed the comfort and help . Raising daughters, I've always been protective and cautious who I have around them.
Later in life, after dating several a**holes, I met someone younger than myself. Different from the "bad boy" image, he was very warm and charming. Years later, I would find out he was actually younger than he first told me…seven years younger. He was very mature for his age & introduced me to many things; food and culture. I even reevaluated my relationship with Christ because of him. Unfortunately, after a little over a year dating, the relationship quickly ended.Happily married now to someone he always liked. When I look back on it, I always was curious on the friendship they had when we were together. Years later, I started connecting the dots. It was the same woman he failed to invite me to a wedding one summer (which was not normal) and come to find out... it was her sisters. The truth is, he was way too young for me. Never should of dated him. But if it wasn't for him, I would’ve never made good friends that turned into family or have fallen so passionately involved in his culture.
My wounds continued to open when I realized that I attracted men that are just not fit for MIYA . Either slowly trying to control my way of thinking or by repeated manipulative actions. At one point, drowning me in self guilt and validation seeking. I had to really face my past and issues when it came to dating. Fact is that none of the men I ever dated…truly loved me…Really respected me. Was it they're fault or mine? I've concluded it was mine. I believe women are so Powerful - enough to realize from the first month of dating someone if they’re making healthy decisions.
I haven't settled down, because I just haven't crossed paths with someone I can see myself with forever. I date, but I refuse to be in another "situation-ship" that doesn't help me grow. If we cannot genuinely respect or grow it is a WASTE OF TIME . Open wounds need to be closed for many of us . We all go through different trials in life. Love is beautiful. My parents are going on forty healthy years of marriage. The person God ordained us to be with will never be a question.
I've been in love twice. Or maybe it wasn't love? Maybe it was the thought of being In love?? An imaginary nonexistent feeling I wished was true. Completely lying to myself although I really appreciate honest communication and people who are sincere. I love hard but not easy. Single in my eyes defines NOT MARRIED.
I've always dreamed big, never in my eyes have any of my dreams seemed unrealistic. During my meditation recently, I thought to myself "Dig deep.. what makes you unsatisfied? " I'm truly blessed with life. Two beautiful growing respectful daughters, water, energy, roof over my head. However yearning for more. Completely numb many days..
Happiness, is simply ones perception of either their own fantasy or reality. Year 1999 forever changed my life. I tend to daydream about my younger self. How innocent and naïve my mind was. Spiritually awakened yet hungry for love outside of family. Not driven at all however on my higher education. All I knew was I wanted to be independent, in a big city, working doing what I love. Which all came true over time.
Sometimes in life, you might find yourself stuck daydreaming on a year and a time. Understand God knew our decisions before we made them. Don't live your life in regret, use your lessons and choices as your strength .
Its Saturday mid afternoon, started the day slow. Usually my teenage daughters make breakfast, we leave home for the day . This Saturday.. I remember it so very clear. I woke up, made fresh scrambled eggs, with strawberries, biscuits with turkey bacon. Just the three of us. My cell went off, a text message from my mother. A group message, including my two siblings. Asking if we heard from our father. She needed a ride from Dallas airport. She just returned from Chicago, spent time with my eighty-seven year old grandfather. A year before, we had lost our grandmother, now my grandfather was adjusting being a widow.
Our mother sat at the airport ,exhausted waiting for more than an hour for our dad. Employed with American Airlines for twenty years, the normal routine he would meet her at the gate she had arrived in, and both go home. As she sat there nervous, wondering why her husband who was known for his promptness was no where to be found. No texts back from the previous evening. Rushing home as my brother would be the one too pick up her up. As she entered the house, his work badge was still on the counter. His office neatly still in tact.
My father had a heart attack at his local gym, paramedics unable to revive him. An extensive surgery was ordered, unfortunately he had pneumonia right after the surgery. Also later having double pneumonia .. It wasn't until almost two months later, our father came back to life.
My daily visits to the hospital, worried what the doctor would say. Observing my mom as she kept a strong attitude, filled with confidence. Protecting him . Making calls, financially making decisions. Our father was on life support, fighting for his life. Our older brother flew in from St Louis, hadn't been in Texas for years. It's four of us altogether. My Aunt was the glue that kept us focused.
One day mid February my mother called, my dad had opened his eyes . His memory a blur.
A man who lived an active healthy lifestyle. A former marathon runner and trainer. One who enjoyed traveling all over the world. , yet at times an overachiever . My dad always worked extremely hard. Worried about others , giving back was his service. Not a smoker, nor a drinker. We couldn't gather what caused such a horrific experience. But yet he fought and was on dialysis. Daily trying to get his physical strength back. Present day, he is doing very well. loving and living life.
A man who impacted and influenced an entire community for many years. I was in awe on how well respected he was, as visitors daily came to see him at the hospital. One day in particular a woman I've never seen before, came in the hospital room . She was in tears. Told me my father always uplifted her , as they once worked together at the airlines. At that moment I knew that our family had to keep the legacy going. I instantly understood , that how you treat people in life defines your true Character.
Love is God She will seek to be loved by him God giving creation After daily Meditation My past attempted to haunt me . .. and failed No more temporary dedication I've seen it all, experience the worse She refuses to have anymore regrets and remorse Save the apologies and fabricated exhausting lies I rather seek the most high So if you see her sipping her red wine.. Alone Because she refuses to settle for mediocre satisfaction She rather wait on God for the one who brings mental and spiritual stimulation That loves her from head to toe refusing to ever let her go -
It has lived in all of us
Many try to deny it, reality is.. it happens to the strong
Who feel like they can no longer hold on
Their Faith Fades, but honestly Faith is only thing that can keep them alive
They search for happiness, when truly happiness is within
They try to fit in
One day realizing their built to walk alone
Which feels Cold, doesn't seem right
Depression.
A horrible demon that sneaks on the powerful
Making them feel power- less.
One might guard their heart, running from those who say they care the most
Using their strength they have left to block out people who might possibly
mean well
As they age the fact is.. depression never won
It was all mental
They won many battles
Fought many storms, which made Her more than black magic
It made Her a Queen
A few days ago I checked my calendar, which I do daily .. realized it was ten years ago since I walked away from a toxic marriage. Ten years ago I felt the need to evolve still at a young age and move on so I can feel free. Free from everything I felt that was holding me back from happiness. I never looked back..
June is the season for evolving. Everyday is a day to evolve. However June is a month that honestly isn't my favorite month. So I will positively express, June is a month to grow within. Almost every June a story transitions as a lesson. Either I find myself incognito from the world, or either taking time just being still. Not answering my phone, just alone in my thoughts. In my own world due to a disappointment or challenge that I fiercely had to face.
June is a month of healing and reality. A time for fasting and prayer. I've never been one to question God ,because I fear him. . I just get tired, drained and feel overwhelm with the obstacles that are sometimes unexpected. A few years ago in June, I almost lost my life in a car accident. My two daughters were in the car with me, by Gods grace we all survived. June is a month of testimonies. When the month of May has ended, I normally become nervous on what is to take place. Now I just praise God in advance for his protection.
This past June I lost a good friend, funny how God works! Nothing happens on our time, but on his time. Funny also how you get closer to people at the most unexpected times. Those times equals memories, from conversations to different events that will always remind you how special those memories are! June.
Being Positive keeps your mind and muscles moving. Facing fears and turning it to freedom. Freedom turning into self control. It is all mental. The society we live in now can drown us deep into our own depression. Some people have issues celebrating birthdays, or even holidays. Or people like me, who once feared a month due to challenges. It is important to create a space to trust that God is in control, the days or months that we might fear in our lives only can either break us or mature our spiritual growth. Everything or anyone I have lost , only gained me acceptance and understanding.
The most important obstacle in life is turning your fears to testimonies.
The other day DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince song came on " Summertime" .. brought back so many memories. I reflected on my childhood , and how innocent we all were. We were young full of curiosity and playful times.
I instantly started reminiscing about my grandparents in East St Louis, each summer we would visit and it seems like every day was an adventure. Myself, being the oldest girl I remember my first crush, who stayed right next door from my grandparents. We would wake up, my grandmother would make us breakfast, or we would all get in the car. Myself, two brothers, and my sister; with our grandfather and drive to enjoy breakfast buffet at Shoneys Restaurant . Usually after breakfast my grandmother enjoyed going to the mall (seem like all day ) , we would go back to the house and play outside with the other neighborhood kids. My grandmother was a teacher , and in my eyes sometimes very strict. She made sure we visited museums, do math studies at least an hour each day. Granny made sure we understood that television was not something you watch all day, and as an adult now I seldom watch television.
I went back to East St Louis recently , on my own in my rental car. No GPS, No Map. Just me and my memory. .actually I was very proud of myself. The city had changed, although I have been back many times to visit . It seemed very quiet on this trip. Buildings that were there a few years ago, or no longer standing. The house where my first crush once lived is practically torn down, finding out his mother had passed years ago, and he completely lost it and used drugs for his healing. I sat in the car, wondering if he might still be alive out there. I reflected on how life passes by the blink of an eye. My childhood was full of family reunions from Houston to New Orleans and Atlanta. As kids we live in the moment, not really understanding being a youth is the most important time in our lives.
July was always special , each July 4th we would drive almost an hour past St Louis into the county just because my grandfather wanted to purchase tons of fireworks. We would get back home and play with fireworks all day into the evening with the other neighborhood kids. As I got older, I realize the time and energy my grandfather spent with all of us. During my visit recently, I just smiled and stared at my grandfather now eighty- three as he slowly used his walker to enter my grandmothers birthday dinner. I admired him from afar as he sat and listened to others speak on my grandmothers work in the community, and how much of a great friend she was to them .
During my trip I made sure I spent time with him one on one. Expressing my gratitude on the impact he had on my life. I wanted to look him in the eye, and hold his hand so he understood.. he listened and said "Thank you" . We sat on the inside porch and watched basketball and as always he made me laugh with his humor . I went out back where once my grandmother had a swing set for all of us , which is now gone and just a grassy backyard.
The last day of my trip, I cried the whole way to the airport. Silently in tears. Hoping this wouldn't be the last time I saw my grandparents, understanding that they are in their eighties and you have to cherish each moment with the people dear too you .I am blessed to have both grandparents still alive, still standing, still together, and still living each day in a positive light. Take time to cherish memories of the summer, memories of your youth, some might be negative memories that made you a better person today .- either way at one point those memories were full of fireworks. -
Epiphany - Is an experience of sudden and striking realization.
We all are sidetrack, some more than others. Many of us have several degrees, families, live a lifestyle of no worries. Others live day by day hopeful for change, and taking it day by day. Just getting by!
Life is not easy. Life is an experiment. Science. We mix our issues together, and see the results as life goes by. As we age. In five years it's possible the result is a standstill and nothing accomplished but "what ifs" and " maybes". The society we now live in consist of us unintentionally at times, allowing others in our world on a daily basis -easily distracted. Seeking some type of validation and acceptance. Becoming so consumed on the whereabouts and faces of others that we lose sidetrack on the beauty of life.
The truth is we have billionaires that strategically make up tools and websites that only lead people to not cherish life itself fully.Yes, we all travel, work , some of us raise families, and others have responsibility just taking care of themselves. Either way I have concluded that we all should analyze our actions and become more cautious on the energy we send out to our peers.
I have been in fault for years, love pictures, and sharing what I choose to share to the public eye. In most cases, I choose to keep things between my inner circle and myself. I have suddenly had the most amazing epiphany that as time passes, so do people. Who are we acknowledging ? who cares? Why do we spend hours at airports, home and even in our office viewing repetitive and sometimes quite annoying posts or pictures/videos from those we might know or never met? Not all of us, their are those who might never share a word or an image, but obsessively log on varies websites on a daily basis. - wasting time.
Adults have become teenagers, they pay mortgage, have various incomes, whatever the desires of man we all have and the luxury to do what we want when we want. However sometimes tend to be struck in a time zone flashback ,consistently being overbearing and have no control on our actions . I only feel the need to speak on this particular topic to wake up my readers. Let us take the time to understand life is beautiful! Let us enjoy the moments as if it was twenty years ago or maybe even five! Not allowing us to become trapped in the "new technology" mind-frame that we need a response or share every moment of our lives.
We should not allow ourselves to become so open about our personal activities, that it gives the public (family or friends) display of our every move, or even a move at all ! We all are made of flesh, but spiritually we all need to be more connected; not of the world but lead by example for the world. I will no longer personally have numerous of tools, apps on my personal device. I refuse to have a thought in my mind that ask when I scroll and question " why did they post that? ", " do we need to know all of that? " " didn't they just post five minutes ago" , " who cares ?" " are they seeking attention ?" " are they lonely" ? " shut up" " "their doing too much ! ", " did they need to let us know that?" " are they that insecure we need to know all their business?" "who are they competing with "? ... I could go on and on. Thoughts or questions that no one should even have on their mind. It would never be on our minds if we all just clear our minds, and enjoy the fruits of life without the billion- dollar business consuming our time. Creating a successful industry even those who hate social websites create one and become attached to the world of apps!
Life is designed to make memories for only you and the people who cherish YOU the most -
I was researching the meaning of the numeral thirty-five. Thirty -five equal CHANGE. what I 've learned about myself all my thirty five years? what keeps me youthful ? First and foremost; prayer keeps me focused. I love to have my intimate relationship with Christ, I love the relationship I have with MY God, which is Jesus Christ. I am firm believer and proud.
I am happy to share several ways my faith and youthful spirit is strong : Number 1 ....
1. I do my best not worry ...anymore. Naturally I have always worried about things and people in my life. For years, I would really just "think " too much. Worrying is actually a sin. How can I define myself a believer in Christ, yet a worrier? Impossible. 2. I simply Drink LOTS of water ! I love water. I try to drink 8 glasses a day 3.I love to rest. I take time to rest my mind and body and I do believe in NAPS. 4. I LOVE spa baths I use Epsom salt, and try to relax my whole entire body at least once or twice a week. 5. Facials- I Believe its important to do your own personal facials once a week. 6. I spend time with family OFTEN. I love being around family. Even if you're not close with your family, be around people who love to see you grow. Try to make one day all about them. 7. I LOVE alone time . If you're married or even single. It is great to take a break from the world. just doing nothing, or simply doing something active. 8. I've personally learned that people come and GO. but true friends NEVER leave. People might sincerely not care for you as much you assume, and that is OK. life happens, some people just simply grow apart! However the people that matter will always be there until you're old and grey . 9. I have learned that DEATH will happen for every individual, and you cannot run away from it.That is why its important to have a relationship with Christ. Even if you fear going to a church due to a past experience. You might not even title yourself a Christian but understand that we are not here on earth forever- 10.I have learned being a mother is my first job. Sometimes I doubt myself and wonder how I will take care of two girls who are growing so fast! But the reality is I have an awesome family, lots of support. Their father has always been present and active and we have grown to co parent and still respect each other. Being a mother can be overwhelming for any mother, married or single. It is a true blessing. 11. Getting up and working for someone else isn't my cup of tea. I'm naturally a person who loves to travel, and stay active. I love my freedom and own schedule, however life is life. I have learned in order to reach your goals you simply must work towards them. Even if it means working long hours, and making sure you truly invest your money. Being lazy are for those who do not see end result, with no vision, or dreams. Some people are satisfied working a nine to five, yes I am blessed to get up and work. But what are we working on? I have learned, WE are more than our nine to five. 12. Lastly, Love is God. My experiences in relationships have always been long term but not LASTING. I guess God has something designed for me that I can't see yet. I am ok with that! If I wanted to settle I could ! Money doesn't make a real woman happy, what makes a real woman happy is loyalty, and someone that sees the best in her and helps her grow! God has a plan for me, I am still in my prime..wink*
Warning : This particular blog is very "random" for some readers.
I have not posted a blog in awhile. I've used all my energy on being a mom ,and creatively growing.
I reviewed my past blogs and it seems I always post a blog the end of the year, reflecting on the accomplishments and downfalls we all endure. I could bore you with my personal trials and revelations, but I wouldn't dare. :)
I am in peace. I always use my personal storms as lessons learned. My trials have honestly given me the creative space I need to gain more knowledge on people, and life itself. I've been struggling for years to find my creative space and accomplish my goals. I do not blame anyone, I do realize however I once surrounded myself for many years with bad energy.
Well...2016 is very near, two more weeks as I type. The fact is I am the most happiest when I see other people happy. I love to laugh, I choose to surround myself in environments full of sincere people. At times difficult to connect with people with honest hearts .2016 taught me that the closer I am to Christ , the closer I am to peace. The closer I am to praying for what he desires for me to have , the closer I am to grace. The closer I am to reaching what is destined for me , the closer I understand I am not in control but God is.
Fact is , I am FINALLY comfortable in my own skin and finally respect who I am and what I am without any apologies. Examples: I cried the most the year 2007 and 2013. I remember those tears: long sleepless nights,full of guilt, full of pain, full of sadness. Leading to deep dark depression; many times over things that were not in my control. Now in the present, I am in peace. Fact is .. I've always naturally been a laid back individual . (That can be good for some and bad for others ).. Funny,when I converse with my male friends they believe I am this strong woman, "without emotions". Which is not true at all. I'm very emotional and open with my feelings. I am a true social butterfly, however love my space and privacy .I'm opposite of what people see when they first meet me. I've always been misunderstood , and reality is I don't mind being a mystery.I'm the woman who will randomly call you and say " You want to attend this concert ?", just because your energy is one of a kind. " You want to attend my church service? " just because I think you wouldn't mind. This day of age , people are afraid of kind hearted people, they prejudge you ,and the fact is they cant handle certain spirits. Fact is 2015 taught me how defensive we all are, how people are easily influenced.
Sadly, 2015 taught me a few things ;that racism is very much alive, people intentions are not always what you believe them to be. Many people are attention seekers! Ive learned people are very self absorbed . Alot of us lack love and self discipline too ! 2015 taught me that life is short, and saying "I love you" are just words but action really truly means everything.
I will enter 2016 with happiness, each day I wake up, I am happy for waking up. I can conclude that happiness is within you.What is for you, will be.
Fact is, " Still I rise I rise, I rise, I rise" - Maya Angelou
WOW . I've never spoken publically through my blogs on how much I love AFRICA.
I've always loved any type of historical culture. History studies was one of my favorite courses growing up. I'm instantly intrigued on culture and languages. When I was about fourteen years old I remember my sister godmother was Spanish; who I still admire as an adult.She spoke Spanish and made plantains all throughout my youth , At that moment I was in awe.
I believe people are divided. When God made earth he purposely created us to be different. which is awesome. Now that we have lived for centuries.. we do gain stereotypes, due to our actions. which in situations sadly is true. However not every stereotype is currently accurate. Unfortunately, we live in a world that makes their decision based only on stereotypes, and what their parents and elders say.
Thank GOD my family judge people on how they treat other people not on stereotypes, and never once did my parents raise me to define people based on
that. Now honestly, things we might witness are factual, which makes us DIVIDED. But other times is totally wrong.
The fact is educate yourself KEYWORD : YOURSELF. In college I spend a lot of time taking American/ and African studies. Fast forward to 2008 I was introduced to many cultures, not just Africa. What I learned? FAMILY. Naturally, I'm a family- oriented person, so instantly I was fascinated on how family is everything, even if you're not blood - related. I loved that . I've made life long friends from Africa, my children are impacted and learn daily due to Africa.
I believe as an Black American parent you should teach your children about Africa. The world is a big place. Parents should allow their children to read books and analyze the truths on culture, religion and how people live . I believe Americans sometimes only live in a box sometimes, no pun attended, not allowing their children to open up their minds, until their off in college. Which in my opinion is unhealthy mentally.Vice versa , other cultures and nationalities need to understand people from America. I've heard it all! Get to know someone, not every black woman is loud , aggressive, and bitter and a single uneducated parent. YES! I'm a divorce mother . But black American women are strong, and very independent , we do not put up with pain for too long, we rather do it ourselves. Same as African women, but I respect them because they are strong and beautifully unique physically and mentally. One of my closest friends is African and she defines just that! Africa. a place where its not just what people see in the commercials in America. Africa ... a beautiful land.. A continent with great food music beautiful people, and I haven't kissed the land yet. But soon! Both of my grandfathers provided me wisdom from their trips from back in the day.
2015 :
Live, learn. and respect each other. Life will show you how beautiful we all are.
I love to be brutally honest. Excited for my memoir this summer 2015. I 've been told many times "don't be too personal in my blogs.". but ... why not ? you know how many emails I receive from readers on BlogSpot, that inspire me ???? I don't write as much on here like I once did . I'm a mother first. I have to be inspired usually, there are two different writers : I'm the writer that has to be inspired or I'll get what they call " writers block."
I will be honest.
I 've never "felt" alone. I've been confused; not alone. I've never EVER walked around with a jealous SPIRIT.(FACTS). I've been hurt. I feel like healing is something I constantly have to deal with . I feel .. when I was eleven years old if my parents didn't make the decision to have me undergo open heart surgery; I wouldn't be present in the body right now. I honestly feel the reason I love the way I love is because my heart is repaired and it only knows real love. seriously!Being a mother to a teenager now. She's thirteen. Faith made me stronger. Jada, my ten year old made me even stronger. My divorce back in 2007 made me wiser. Which defines why I'm a writer of relationships and spiritual growth.
Honestly. I just realized a couple days ago I'm a very free spirited person in everything I do on a daily basis. I rather smile than frown. Depression is something I've experienced ; and I do believe all of us experience this symptom. I was delivered from that, and since I was a young girl I love to smile and be positive, even around people who spit on me mentally.. Honest.
Lets be honest. 2015 stop surrounding yourself or finding yourself around people that lie all the time. When you lie so much it becomes transparent and everyone can see you're "trying " to hard. love yourself. Great example: 2014 I realized social media has taken over in the worst way ever. How were you before social media? For those who were smart enough and have NO social media at all. I applaud you. we live in a culture that doesn't recognize their OWN CULTURE. scary! honest.. take sometime this year to focus on your spirit and goals.
I love to learn, excited for anything or anyone that I connect with. I learn from it someway or another..
2014 . wow... welcome 2015. I always get excited about the new year. I conquered; we all conquered our tests if you're able to read this. fact you already know about me : I worship no one but Jesus Christ; I believe in Christ. I believe that he died for me and was risen. My spiritually world is based on those beliefs. I expressed that to say : I believe that everything we see in people, and everything that we might go through as a " whole" due to our choices, also the tests we are given can help us become what we NEED TO BE. The character of a person can be abstracted and contradicting;" all over the place" but not who they really are. Its like makeup.
Everything that might appear that is true and honest sometimes ..isn't. So when people tell me I might have trust issues, I wouldn't call that trust issues. My father, who raised me to have standards, compassion and be yourself; also taught me not to trust people but God. OF COURSE I trust people to an extent. I trust a few people with my inspirations and goals. We all know a few people that we've known for a very long time that choose to discuss our business and talked down about us. Once you understand the mind of a human being, once you realize people come and go, once you understand your support system is very small you will recognize people might not like you but God will always love you! .life is usually way more PEACEFUL!
I'm making this part up : but I assume 60% of the people you associate yourself might not really have your best interest. Why do you think once a celebrity becomes famous usually their not around the same people when they were at the bottom?? struggling to get known ? people change! on both ends. I'm almost thirty- four years old , what I love about life it keeps going in a positive light if we choose that path! I don't judge people. Maybe that is why I have friends from all nationalities. I allow people to be who they are, and like them for who they are inside. This blog is from the heart. I know people I respect associate themselves with individuals who souls are not in place, might not even like me.. I laugh. Because I live by this: even if I'm no longer speaking to someone from my past I never throw dirt on speak on how malicious and evil one once was. Secrets of the truth I take that to my grave; just how I operate!For the past eight years of my life; I thank God sincerely for the gift of discernment. The gift of intuition. I take friendships and relationships seriously .I keep only a few close.
Makeup.. wipe it off..( men too ). be yourself , stop trying to impress people who don't even cut you a check.
I'm thoroughly enjoying this journey called life, having clarity and being in the presence of just being alone.Recognizing and perfecting my gifts.
We need to take care of ourselves... More. not just physically but all aspects. 2015 will be here less than six months. All the money in the world, or even the benefit of reminding others through pictures or quotes on a daily basis does not define our real life truths . I've experienced so much since my last blog December 2013, fascinated on the thinking of humankind. Learning more each day on acceptance, inner peace, and the politics of this place we call America. Taking the initiative to achieve what has been postponed for quite sometime, watching my two daughters grow and achieve greatness in their most challenging years as a young queen.
All this might not make any sense but its pure simplicity. Happiness within itself. I will not title myself as a " Motivational writer" . that title has been gone for quite some time, I reference myself just as a growing child of God, who just happens to write .An example for my children, misunderstood at times, mysterious yet open passionate woman. There are thousands of motivators, many writers, many speakers, I'm just Me. Do not title me as a motivational writer, my book will be online/in stores with just a simple title : Young Soul; because I'm just like any other person who seeks and desires to gain a humble success and peace.
When Dr. Maya Angelou passed this summer, I reflected on how she impacted my life as a young writer. My first cover on a newspaper was at the tender age of 14, at that age I also had the privilege to hear Dr. Angelou speak, at that time she recited her poem Phenomenal Woman. Which became a poem I gradually began to study, and recite at family events. At that moment I knew I wanted to be far from ordinary. I always wanted to excel in being a passionate writer, a lover of the arts and music. When I carried both of my daughters in my womb I made sure I read out loud to them, placed headphones around my belly cultivating significance at that moment. My whole life has been about my family and the love of growing . . Traveling , being in the moment growing and maturing. the goal I have in the next years for myself and daughters is to continue doing just that.
King and Queens : Be in the moment. be fascinated on LIFE not people. LOVE who you're becoming. Understand the most empty people might have degrees, money, and still no inner PEACE. Are you happy? can you take time to focus on your passion without distractions? Start the month of August 2014 without distractions.
Be YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never ever think we're Born perfect .ha! NONE of us are. none of us are born perfect, never making bad choices, always making right decisions. Always have our things in order financially, and our career has always been at the top . If you ever meet someone like that I would love to meet them.
I've NEVER ever been one that has a JEALOUS heart, eager for attention, thirst for companionship, in need of a friend. my mother, bless her heart.. is a woman who sat down and taught me every single thing about character and behavior. Yes this is a confident blog, this is an empowerment blog. A Brutal honest expressions of truth on Miya. I'm very grateful for a mother who prayed for me when I was "wilding" out, having fun in life, from going through a nasty divorce, first hand being there from life personal trials I went through in my life.( miscarriage, divorce, depression, etc.. ) My mother was on her knees in heavy pray every single night. I've thanked her so much for praying for me when I was at my weakest times in my life. I've failed so many times and made so many mistakes in my life.
For the past year I've disciplined myself with walking a straight line, not even trying anymore. Just letting go.. letting GOD. Just acting on it This last year I was in a very dark place. I got on my knees to pray, I put everything and everyone out of the equation and found peace. I've always been a very confident and honest individual. I've always been a visionary, a winner in my own right. Never wanting to discourage anyone. But love and support anyone, even strangers who are doing what they love.. .just ask .. if you know me they will tell you!
Being flawless is how we perceive ourselves. If we wake up with a mindset of worry, fear, and not feeling beautiful within we will have this mental thought we're not good enough. well.. let me use this as a Message: not just to woman. Men as well feel this way! The difference between a man and a woman, men will use his insecurities by either talking down about the opposite sex, society, and boast on what he doesn't really have . A woman will do the same thing, but use her outer appearance to gain attention for the wrong reasons.
BE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be flawless. Be different. 2014 Do something you've never done. Successfully accomplish something that you haven't even made a priority but only something you dream at night but never speak or do it. DO IT. flawless
Discipline is the word I will use for my challenging, growing unique year. The year is GONE. 2013 is GONE!!! I have been on a very beautiful journey for three hundred sixty-five days straight. All my past blogs this year said the same thing; involving growth. all aspects of growth. All levels to growing.
The fact remains that as we make the decision to grow, and become discipline everything you dream of come together. I've been misunderstood, I've been told things that are not accurate, I've also been told many things; and never listen. I only listen to those who have my best interest and are sincere. I believe as people we tend to really listen to those who don't have our best interest. I believe we're judged to soon from people who don't even know us.. REALLY KNOW US, secretly despising us.
I believe we try to impress people when no one really cares. Naturally, I am a person that of course love people. I've always been outgoing, yet love my privacy. I did learn this year, how incredibly shy I can be in a certain atmosphere . This year I 've observed and encountered people who do anything for just a little attention, who have this fear of not being loved. This year I've observed how quick people lie without thinking before they speak. I love discovering the soul of one person. I love gathering and making confirmation why people act the way they do. I admire those who find themselves lost in the world, yet find themselves spiritually evolving. Now, honestly none of what I just expressed is towards my personal situations, just overall what I have witness and educated myself on.
Reaching Heights. Action is the up most respect I have for one person. Without Action you have no defense. Recognizing that human beings are in awe of what they see with their own eyes. Fascinated on money, and materialistic things of life. concludes how backwards we can be, and follow without leading. Quite frankly I have also concluded how weak human beings are. How weak we can be when something or someone has what really doesn't fulfill them; I learned this from social media, and even when people speak. Reaching heights is what we all need to do. Putting things in perspective, be goal- oriented, discipline on our dreams and act towards them in a humble quiet matter.
I've received many emails since September why I haven't wrote a recent blog.. I wanted to take time to reflect, and focus on my own personal goals. I love that my readers enjoy my topics on Love. For those who are in need of being loved, I ask you to put God first in all you do, for he loved you before Man. My life testimonies are to inspire you. I have loved and been hated, but my heart is pure. My life is real. Excited for what is in store for all of us. Reach your heights, respect your mind, be a leader.
I love that people try to figure me out, sometimes I can be very transparent and often times I'm a mystery, trying to fade off the love for zodiac signs, however I do think its the Pisces In me :) Only time that I open up about my personally life minus the deep conversations with close friends or family is really through my blogs :)
Sex is a topic I believe people try not to talk about unless its behind close doors. I believe that people have used sex as a very "casual" encounter, no intimate or fascination about it. When Indeed it is, sex should be a beautiful encounter between two people.I'm going to be honest, when you're in a peaceful discipline place in your life your needs and concerns are so much in order, you know you only deserve and want the best for yourself. I've witnessed and also experienced things that I wish never happen, I also come to an conclusion that being a woman defines power in many ways..
I wish that people would not rush Sex. I've had many conversations in the past months about the need for sex, and let me remind you we live in a society that sex is so casual than ever before!Being responsible is not even part of their lifestyle.Now that I have a preteen, not only is she beautiful, and smart but my protection over her is strong as it ever has been. Being an example to both of my two daughters is my main goal. I have a great relationship with their father now, I am happily single, and focused on so many things that the excitement of my future I cant even begin to express.
I feel that alot of women ages twenty six and up; have totally lost the power of control. NO,I am not a saint nor have I ever claim to be, nor am I one to judge. However recent events have sparked my concern and attention for my beautiful queens. I think there is a time in your life that we all want to have fun and not be responsible on what is in front of us, understood. I've enjoyed life, I still Live life. But just more responsible. I've never been so distracted by the lust of the opposite sex, to where I fall. Never. I notice people who think they know someone assume without knowing details of another person personal business. The fact is, the best thing to do is not give something for people to talk about ! Either way,people tend to gossip.Character is everything. I'm talking about sexual activity with numerous people. The episodes after an encounter of lust sometimes can lead to rumors, embarrassment, and damaged reputation. I'm speaking about the people who urge for something for just that moment. How long have you gone without having Sex? How long can you? over a year? I was speaking to a few men, from ages twenty six to forty four years of age, One was married and cheats on his wife occasionally, and the others single and not looking for commitment. I believe that women have made it easy for men, not the women with morals, and self respect. But the women that make it hard on "good " women. Its been like that for years ! Whats the definition of a good women?? simply.. a lady . I think at times women become vulnerable after a bad relationships , and have this "i dont care" attitude , (Ive been this way before.)They tell themselves , they will have fun without commitment and have a sex partner with no care in their world, when the reality is, emotional most women cant handle that. Because after you're intimate with a Man, everything changes. Feelings get hurt, and youre back at being angry with men.
The fact is men are strong but very weak at times, mentally, cannot control themselves; which controls the physical! yup! Biblical Speaking : man needs woman.and vice versa.Genesis 2:21-23 the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man. " It is my belief that acting like a lady will define how a man treats a woman. The world we live in now- welp.. the respect is an all time downfall. We had the eighties and nineties,but its a whole different new time and age of interacting with someone, the new ways of technology, social media, anything that can focus on the materialistic ways of what a woman should be has brainwashed all young women all over the world.
The virtuous women is somewhere either praying, hoping ,dreaming or enjoying life and not expecting anything from a man anymore due to the continue habits alot of women have today. The discipline man is doing the same. Of course we have the man thirty and up, fear of settling down, so caught up with money and his career, or one that just have no idea on how to be with one woman. We could use the common statistic growing up fatherless,not all but many! Honestly it should come a time in life where maturity needs to fall in place, and learn how to control your body. Lusting for half of your life on earth, only defines fear in my eyes. I believe in commitment, honesty and being wise on whom you choose to be sexually intimate with. I've made a few mistakes in my life, we all have ! But the mistakes only make who I am today. The sexually diseases and the irresponsibility of people not protecting themselves when having sex, is even more of a scary thought.According to Avert.org, 1.3 million people are living with HIV in the United States of America, with a fifth unaware of their status. I'm careful, and furthermore I want my daughters to wear their crown high when they get older .
I love the beauty of a man and a woman. I love to see beautiful people happy and being together. But overall being in peace and loving the skin youre in, only makes you more cautious who you give your COOKIES Too :)
When you have conquered all the things that can tear you down, completely surrendered to God allowing him to intervene in your daily ways of living, you find out how weak the enemy is. The enemy can be something you use to desire, or it could be someone.
I've been tested throughout my life, yet the place I'm at in my life, really shows the power of God. I have allowed him to take control over my tongue and my actions. Have you ever been in a place in your life, where things are going well, and than you feel attacked spiritually ? That is God harvesting you so you can continue seeking him first. It is a TEST. do not FAIL this test, because if you FAIL, you have to start your journey over.
Harvesting is just a definition of true growth. Its after you have defeated the enemy, you've been attacked and came out of the tough fight. Harvesting is the conclusion of a story you have probably shared times and times again, and finally see the results by being obedient.
I believe that as a growing Christian, and I say "growing" because I am harvesting daily ! I'm receiving all my abundant blessings because God has tested me and I keep passing! I keep being tested of course . Yes, I actually grew up in the church. Yes, I was born into the word of God. It is NOT RARE. however I do recognize I am grateful for my parents, grandparents, for instilling me in the Word. However I'm just now really focusing on my harvest. The truth is, the most profound Christians, and leaders of the church did not grow up in the word of God, most of them didn't just instantly start speaking the gospel to people. Which makes them outstanding leaders of the church. I would express this blog might not be for everyone, but it is! I know thousands of my readers are not Christians, or believe in the God I serve. Let me enlighten you; in order for you to harvest and see the blessings upon you , please understand a few things:
The first thing is understand that we live in a selfish world, the "world" does not LOVE you.The second thing; there is a HIGHER POWER who created earth. The third thing; there are things in the world that are made for you to FAIL.In order for you to grow and receive all the things that are meant for you to receive, you will be attacked by the enemy it could be a family member, a best friend, a stranger, a drug, any type of addiction, a disease, the nice person who smiles at you at work, school, even at church .Whomever whatever it is, if you're not obedient and seek help you will find yourself in a deep dark place you cannot get yourself out of.
I ask that you let go of certain things or people, learn how to forgive those who might have hurt you.Understand the flesh will lie, spit on you, try to destroy your name and character - you have no control over that. But what you do have control over is how you will overcome . Allow yourself to walk in another dimension in your life.Harvest.
I titled this blog Love, simple and direct. All my soul, mind and body is full of unconditional aspiration and growth My prayers are stronger, my mind is stronger, my life is stronger. Without love and inconsistency I would be at a dead end. I love the power of love, I also love the power God gives us to make choices. Making bad choices in our lives, it is meant to happen. From what I have learned, its not suppose to flow and be a straight path. Without bad choices, we wouldn't have a story to tell, neither a testimony to share to others.
The desires we have throughout out life can either make us or break us. Love isn't pain ,nor deceit. No matter where you're from, your nationality, belief culture. Love is Love.I've made many mistakes in my life, but one thing I have learned is despite out of all the hurt Ive endured, the inner struggles Ive encountered as a woman. I Always understood the meaning of what Love is, and ran away from anything that didn't show it.
Many people have their own definition of what love is,what I might consider love is not what the other person defines. Let me help you, love is exactly what my bible reads. Love is kind, never fails. Love is not being physically involved with someone without commitment, nor is love angry, bitter, and betrays you. Love isn't feeling trapped or in danger with a significant other. You should not fear love, nor should you be afraid to love and receive it. Love is action, not words. We use the word love very loosely, but the tongue is powerful , use it wisely.
Love is consistent action.When I think I love, I really think about children who might not have love at home, who might feel abandoned from their parents. Ive met and even have close people in my life who never had their parents tell them " I love you". Love starts at home.You might know someone that might grew up not even meeting or having a relationship with a parent,When they get older its hard for them to show what love is. Understand, you can break that cycle. It starts with understanding what love is, and praying for a change within. I have shared in my past blogs my first marriage, and the things I dealt with as a young wife. It involved adultery, infidelity , physical and verbal abuse. My spirit was broken, my heart was full of pain. But let me tell you, God is faithful. I have always made sure I fall on my knees and ask God to guide me, because at the end of the day God is Love! No consular, or therapist can understand you better than the Most high. You can only be delivered from him not man. Learning to love yourself fully, will open and heal your heart. I have had my heart broken a few times in my life, but I also realize that having a broken heart taught me a few things; recognize the pattern I put myself in, and to prioritize whats important. What might be important to you is not what God has planned for you. I love me. I love everything he has ordained me to be, I love all my trials and tribulations, all my storms and rocky times. I love the fact God has empowered me to be this queen that I can lead by example to my daughters. Therefore I know the meaning of true Love. I love hard, I don't love easy. I love my husband wherever he is, I claim a beautiful healthy God- fearing marriage that lasts until God calls me home.
My prayers for the woman that might be yearning for Love or a husband, Don't be desperate for a Man, but desperate for what God has in store in front of you. My best friend is the love of my life, doubt only equal fears, and I fear no man but God.Naysayers, and negativity stray away from. Focus on all you desire. -
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
