Saturday, September 9, 2017

1999



I find myself  day dreaming quite often.

I've always dreamed big, never in my eyes have  any of my dreams  seemed unrealistic. During my meditation recently, I thought to myself  "Dig deep.. what makes you unsatisfied? " I'm truly blessed with life. Two beautiful growing respectful daughters, water, energy, roof over my head. However yearning for more.  Completely numb many days..

Happiness, is simply ones perception of either their own  fantasy or reality. Year 1999 forever changed my life. I tend to daydream about my younger self. How innocent and na├»ve my mind was. Spiritually awakened yet hungry for love outside of  family.  Not driven at all however on my higher education. All I knew was  I wanted to be independent, in a big city, working doing what I love.  Which all came true over time.

Sometimes in life, you might find yourself stuck daydreaming on a year and a time. Understand God knew our decisions before we made them. Don't live your life in regret,  use your lessons and choices as your strength  .

- Peace and Light

Saturday



Its Saturday  mid afternoon, started the day slow. Usually my teenage daughters make breakfast, we leave home for the day . This  Saturday.. I remember it so very clear. I woke up, made fresh scrambled eggs, with strawberries, biscuits with turkey bacon. Just the three of us. My cell went off, a text message from my mother. A group message, including my two siblings. Asking if we heard from our father. She needed a ride from Dallas airport. She just returned from Chicago, spent time with my eighty-seven year old grandfather. A year before, we had lost our grandmother, now my grandfather was adjusting being a widow.

 Our mother sat at the airport ,exhausted waiting for more than an hour for our dad. Employed with American Airlines for twenty years, the normal routine he would meet her at the gate she had arrived in, and both go home. As she sat there nervous, wondering why her husband who was known for his promptness was no where to be found. No texts back from the previous evening. Rushing home as my brother would be the one too  pick up her up. As she entered the house, his work badge was still on the counter. His office neatly still in tact.

 My father had a heart attack at his local gym, paramedics unable to revive him. An extensive surgery was ordered, unfortunately  he had  pneumonia right after the surgery. Also later having double pneumonia .. It wasn't until almost two months later, our father came back to life.

My daily visits to the hospital, worried what the doctor would say. Observing my mom as she kept a strong attitude, filled with confidence. Protecting him . Making calls, financially making decisions. Our father was on life support, fighting for his life. Our older brother flew in from St Louis, hadn't been in Texas for years. It's four of us altogether. My Aunt was the glue that kept us focused.

One day mid February my mother called, my dad had opened his eyes . His memory a blur.

A man who lived an active healthy lifestyle. A former marathon runner and trainer.  One who enjoyed traveling all over the world. , yet at times an overachiever . My dad always worked extremely hard. Worried about others , giving back was his service. Not a smoker, nor a drinker. We couldn't gather what caused such a horrific experience. But yet he fought and was on dialysis. Daily trying to get his physical strength back. Present day, he is doing very well. loving and living life.

A man who  impacted and influenced an entire community for many years. I was  in awe on how well respected he was, as visitors daily came to see him at the hospital. One day in particular a woman I've never seen before, came in the hospital room . She was in tears. Told me my father always uplifted her , as they once worked together at the airlines.  At that moment I knew that our family had to keep the legacy going.  I instantly understood , that how you treat people in life defines your true Character. 

Thank you January

Saturday, November 5, 2016

What It Really Is




Love is God
She will seek to be loved by him
God giving creation
After daily  Meditation
My past attempted to haunt me . .. and failed
No more temporary dedication
I've seen it all, experience the worse
She refuses to have anymore regrets and remorse
Save the apologies and fabricated exhausting lies
I rather seek the most high
So if you see her sipping her red wine.. Alone
Because  she refuses to settle for mediocre satisfaction 
She rather wait on God for the one who  brings mental and spiritual stimulation
That loves her from head to toe
refusing to ever let her go -

NOISSERPED





















It has lived in all of us
Many try to deny it, reality is.. it happens to the strong
Who feel like they can no longer hold on
Their Faith Fades, but honestly Faith is  only thing that can keep them alive
They search for happiness, when truly happiness is within
They try to fit in
One day realizing  their built to walk alone
Which feels Cold, doesn't seem right
Depression.
A horrible demon that sneaks on the powerful
Making them feel power- less.
One might guard their heart, running from those who say they care the most
Using their strength they have left to block out people who might possibly
mean well
As they age the fact is.. depression never won
It was all mental
They won many battles
Fought many storms, which made Her more than black magic
It made Her a Queen

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Blue June


A few days ago I checked my calendar, which I do daily .. realized it was ten years ago  since I walked away from a toxic marriage. Ten years ago I felt the need to evolve still at a young age and move on so I can feel free. Free from everything I felt that was holding me back from happiness. I never looked back..

June is the season for evolving. Everyday is a day to evolve. However June is a month that honestly isn't my favorite month. So I will positively express, June is a month to grow within. Almost every June a story transitions as a lesson. Either I find myself incognito from the world, or either taking time just being still. Not answering my phone, just alone in my thoughts. In my own world due to a disappointment or challenge that I fiercely had to face.

June is a month of healing and reality. A time for fasting and prayer. I've never been one to question God ,because I fear him. . I  just get tired, drained and feel overwhelm with the obstacles that are sometimes unexpected.  A few years ago in June, I almost lost my life in a car accident. My two daughters were in the car with me, by Gods grace we all survived. June is a month of testimonies.  When the month of May has ended, I normally become nervous on what is to take place. Now I just praise God in advance for his protection.

This past June I lost a good friend, funny how God works! Nothing happens on our time, but on his time. Funny also how you get closer to people at the most unexpected times. Those times equals memories, from conversations to different events that will always remind you how special those memories are! June.

Being Positive keeps your mind and muscles moving. Facing fears and turning it to freedom. Freedom turning into self control. It is all mental. The society we live in  now can drown us deep into our own depression. Some people have issues celebrating birthdays, or even holidays.  Or people like me, who once feared a month due to challenges. It is important to create a space to trust that God is in control, the days or months that we might fear in our lives only can either break us or mature our spiritual growth. Everything or anyone I have lost , only gained me acceptance and understanding.

The most important obstacle in life is turning your fears to testimonies.

Peace
MB

Friday, June 24, 2016

Fireworks

The other day DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince song came on " Summertime" .. brought back so many memories. I reflected on my childhood , and how innocent we all were. We were young full of curiosity and playful times.

I instantly started reminiscing  about  my grandparents in East St Louis,  each summer we would visit and it seems like every day was an adventure. Myself, being the oldest girl I remember my first crush, who stayed right next door from my grandparents. We would wake up, my grandmother would make us breakfast, or we would all get in the car. Myself, two brothers, and my sister; with our grandfather and drive to enjoy breakfast buffet at Shoneys Restaurant . Usually after breakfast my grandmother enjoyed going to the mall (seem like all day ) , we would  go back to the house and play outside with the other neighborhood kids. My grandmother was a teacher , and in my eyes sometimes very strict. She made sure we visited museums, do math studies  at least an hour each day. Granny made sure we understood that television was not something you watch all day, and as an adult now I seldom watch  television.

I went back to East St Louis recently , on my own in my rental car. No GPS, No  Map. Just me and my memory. .actually I was very proud of myself. The city had changed, although I have been back many times to visit . It seemed very quiet on this trip. Buildings that were there a few years ago, or no longer standing. The house where my first crush once lived is practically torn down, finding out his mother had passed years ago, and he completely lost it and used drugs for his healing. I sat in the car, wondering  if he might still be alive out there. I reflected on how life passes by the blink of an eye. My childhood was full of family reunions from Houston to New Orleans and Atlanta. As kids we live in the moment, not really understanding being a youth is the most important time in our lives.

July was always special , each July 4th we would drive almost an hour past St Louis into the county just because my grandfather wanted to purchase tons of fireworks. We would get back home and play with fireworks all day into the evening with the other neighborhood kids. As I got older, I realize the time and energy my grandfather spent with all of us. During my visit recently, I just smiled and stared at my grandfather now eighty- three as he slowly used his walker to enter my grandmothers birthday dinner. I admired him from afar as he sat and listened to others speak on my grandmothers work in the community, and how much of a great friend she was to them .

During my trip I made sure I spent time with him one on one. Expressing my gratitude on the impact he had on my life. I wanted to look him in the eye, and hold his hand so he understood.. he listened and said "Thank you" . We sat on the inside porch and watched basketball and as always he made me laugh with his humor . I went out back where once my grandmother had a swing set for all of us , which is now gone and just a grassy backyard.

The last day of my trip, I cried the whole way to the airport. Silently in tears. Hoping this wouldn't be the last time I saw my grandparents, understanding that they are in their eighties and you have to cherish each moment with the people dear too you .I am blessed to have both grandparents still alive, still standing, still together, and still living each day in a positive light.  Take time to cherish memories of the summer, memories of your youth, some might be negative memories that made you a better person today .- either way at one point those memories were full of fireworks. -

Peace

MB


Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Epiphany



Epiphany -  Is an experience of sudden and striking realization.

We all are sidetrack, some more than  others. Many of  us have several degrees, families, live a lifestyle of no worries. Others live day by day hopeful for change, and taking it day by day. Just getting by!

Life is not easy. Life is an experiment. Science. We mix our issues together, and see the results as life goes by. As we age. In five years it's possible the result is a standstill and nothing accomplished but "what ifs" and " maybes". The society we now live in consist of us unintentionally  at times, allowing others in our world on a daily basis -easily distracted. Seeking some type of validation and acceptance. Becoming so consumed on the whereabouts and faces of others that we lose sidetrack on the beauty of life.

The truth is we have billionaires that  strategically make up tools and websites that only lead people to not cherish life itself fully.Yes, we all travel, work , some of us raise families, and others  have  responsibility  just  taking care of themselves. Either way I have concluded that we all should analyze our actions and become more  cautious on the energy we send out to our peers.

I have been in fault for years, love pictures, and sharing what I choose to share to the public eye. In most cases, I choose to keep things between my inner circle and myself. I have suddenly had the most amazing epiphany that as time passes, so do people. Who are we acknowledging ? who cares? Why do we spend hours at airports, home and even in our office viewing repetitive and sometimes quite annoying posts or pictures/videos from those we might know or never met? Not all of us, their are those who  might never share a word or an image, but obsessively log on  varies websites on a daily basis. - wasting time.

Adults have become teenagers, they pay mortgage, have various incomes, whatever the desires of man we all have and  the luxury to do what we want when we want. However sometimes tend to be struck in a time zone flashback ,consistently being overbearing and have no control on our actions . I only feel the need to speak on this particular topic to wake up my readers. Let us take the time to understand life is beautiful! Let us enjoy the moments as if it was twenty years ago or maybe even five! Not allowing us to become trapped in the "new technology"  mind-frame that we need a response or share every moment of our lives.

We should not allow ourselves to become so open about our personal activities, that it gives the public (family or friends) display of our every move, or even a move at all !  We all are made of flesh,  but spiritually we all need to be more connected; not of the world but lead by example for the world.  I will no longer personally have numerous of tools, apps on my personal device.  I refuse to  have a thought in my mind that ask when I  scroll and question " why did they post that? ", " do we need to know all of that? " " didn't they just post five minutes ago" , " who cares ?"  " are they seeking attention ?" " are they lonely" ? " shut up" " "their doing too much ! ", " did they need to let us know that?" " are they that insecure we need to know all their business?" "who are they competing with "?  ... I could go on and on. Thoughts or questions that no one should even have on their mind. It would never be on our minds if we all  just clear our minds, and enjoy the fruits of life without the billion- dollar business consuming our time. Creating a successful industry even those who  hate social websites create one and become attached to the world of apps!

Life is designed to make  memories for only you and the people who cherish YOU the most - 

Peace and Light

MB